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I haven’t been on the internet in 2 days because I MOVED on Friday! I MOVED! This is a Big Deal. This is the first apartment I’ve lived in by myself. If I were a good blogger I would have taken pictures to post up here, but, uh, I forgot. The place isn’t put together yet anyway. You wouldn’t like it yet.

The day before the move, my sister and I went to Target to pick up a couple of apartment items. I maybe had a little freakout in the shower curtain aisle. I was overwhelmed, for sure, but I just kept thinking, I’m going to have to look at this thing every day. I complained that there were fewer choices than the last time I bought a shower curtain (there really were!). I don’t like any of these! These are all ugly! And too expensive! It wasn’t really the cost that was bugging me out, though, since sister had declared she was going to buy me a shower curtain. They don’t have the one I got last time! I think we spent about 25 minutes in that aisle, me pacing up and down it, shaking my head, getting more and more anxious. In the end I grabbed one off the rack and threw it in the cart, declaring I just don’t CARE.

In the 2 days since, I realized: when I first moved into the little brick duplex 2 YEARS ago, before my housemate showed up, I went shopping at that same Target with my mother. At the time, I felt very strange about having my mother move me into an apartment, since wasn’t I supposed to be an adult? And who takes their mommy to grad school? But she was going through a rough period of time at work, and had time off, and drove down with me all the way to Tuscaloosa. In the end, she was the voice of reason of the whole trip. When I opened the door to the little brick duplex and couldn’t breathe because it had just been bug bombed and I’m pretty sure I started crying because the place was filthy and there were dead cockroaches everywhere, my mother made me sit out in the car while she removed the roaches. And together we cleaned the whole apartment, and when I wasn’t paying attention, she went into the bathroom and put up the leafy green shower curtain that I had picked out. I can remember very clearly seeing the sunlight come through the window behind it, feeling grateful and taken care of, and thinking, Okay. This will be okay.

So 2 days ago, I moved away from the apartment that my mother moved me into. And it turns out that was a big deal. But again, when I was busy in another room, my sister put up the blue and white shower curtain in the new place. Somehow, I picked out a nice one, and it will be okay.

 

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I think I may have expressed this before, but it is really fucking hard to blog when you don’t have internet. And when you’re about to move. So here’s a synopsis of the last couple of blog-less days:

eating

worrying about how little I write these days

eating

swimming

worrying about how little I write these days

learning how to play texas hold’em

eating

playing bananagrams

worrying about how little I write these days

applying bug killer to garden

eating

So, even though I am vaguely trying to convince myself that blogging is a form of writing, it’s still not the kind of writing that I want to do more of. Once this move is over, I am battening down the hatches. I am going to write every day, really. I need to think about the framework for the book manuscript, the relationship between the writer-speaker and myself the writer, the function of the ending and what that ending should be. I need to figure out what’s missing in the chapbook (more wet ghosts? more detached limbs?), and what is up with its form.

I also want to start new things. I love having longer projects, book-length poems to go and go and go forward, but I don’t want to get stuck there. I might have to start limiting myself to one- or two-page poems.

Tomorrow: THE MOVE!!!!

After: drive-in movie, taking sister to airport, unpacking, reading and writing on My First Porch.

[when you make plans, the cat laughs]

We did this last night:

 

And this:

 

Shortly followed by this:

 

Which then became this:

 

Yessssssssssssssssss:

 

I’ve never made challah before in my life, so this was a surprise. We ended up with two loaves, one of which we ate most of immediately, and another that we made french toast out of this morning. There is still a lot left. I have a feeling I’m going to start showing up on people’s doorsteps with challah.

Before the baking, I also read a ton of BWR submissions and watered the garden, so it was a pretty productive day. Still no sitting-down-to-write, though.

First radio show accomplished, with much assistance from the lovely Emma, who blogs over at http://www.graveyardhouse.com/. It was nerve-wracking because my nerves are easily wracked, and yes maybe the station manager RAN up the stairs and BURST into the studio to help us, but hey it worked out okay in the end and my boyfriend said I sounded like NPR so maybe there’s a future for me after all. NPR are you listening?? I even got a call-in while I was working, asking the name of one of the songs I played.

I am so happy to have my sister here, because she understands things like a GREAT NEED to make pad thai (pictures forthcoming). We cooked up a bunch last night, after re-discovering the asian grocery store in town (for some reason, my first impression of that place was pretty lackluster, but it was great yesterday). Check it out at 1910 Greensboro Avenue. They have so many different kinds of ramen noodles, and frozen dumplings, and aloe drinks that my sister swears are authentic, like she used to buy them in China. Now I’m stocked up on fish sauce, so I can make pad thai any time I like, though it won’t be the same without sister here to carefully/slowly chop the green onions at exactly the same length. I’m already yelling at her about stealing the book I’m reading. It’s just like childhood all over! Next thing you know we’ll be sitting on the couch and I’ll squeal every time her foot touches mine. Ah, siblings.